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...
C'est bien d'être en couple, un peu, de vivre avec sa moitié.
It's nice to be in a relationship, I mean, to live with your other half.
Je sais pas, messieurs est-ce que vous êtes heureux ?
I don't know, gentlemen, are you happy?
"- Oui"... - En couple ? (Rires).
"Yes".... - In your couple? (Laughs).
J'aime bien la question en deux temps !
I like this question in two steps!
Messieurs est-ce que vous êtes heureux ? Oui ! - ... en couple ? Hum...
Gentlemen are you happy? Yes ! - ... in your couple ? Hmm ...
Mesdames est-ce que vous êtes heureuses en couple ?
Ladies, are you happy in your couple?
"- Oui !" - C'est normal c'est vous qui commandez.
"Yes !" - It's normal you're in control.
C'est un peu comme si je demandais à un dictateur : ça va dans ton pays ?
It's a bit like asking a dictator: is it going fine in your country?
"- Ben oui pourquoi ?"
" - Well yes, why?
Tu vois ? Non mais... Merci.
You see? No, but ... Thank you.
Ah tu vois. Ça veut l'égalité mais ça veut pas me laisser parler.
Ah, you see. They want equality but they don't want to let me talk.
Voilà. Le moindre truc, wouhou.
Here. Any tiny thing and wow.
Mais c'est vrai, vous nous avez castrés !
But it's true, you castrated us!
Mais c'est fini : y a pas d'égalité hommes-femmes !
But it's over: there is no equality between men and women!
Les femmes elles sont .
Women, they are there.
La bouse elle est .
Dung: it's there.
Et nous, on est .
And we are here.
Parce que c'est fini, elles nous manipulent !
Because it's over, they're manipulating us!
Un truc tout con.
Something really stupid.
On sort des toilettes.
We get out of the toilet.
On décide d'aller se laver les mains dans la cuisine.
We decide to go and wash our hands in the kitchen.
Et messieurs, on commet un crime contre l'humanité.
And there, gentlemen, a crime against humanity is committed.
On décide de prendre le torchon jaune.
We decide to take the yellow dishcloth.
Alors qu'il fallait prendre le bleu.
Whereas we had to take the blue.
Parce que soi-disant - merci monsieur !
Because supposedly - thank you sir!
'- Oui ! Il l'a dit maintenant !'
'- Yes ! He said it now! '
Parce que soi-disant, le jaune c'est pour la... "vaisselle".
Because supposedly, the yellow one is for the ... "dishes".
Et le bleu c'est pour... "les mains".
And the blue one is for ... "the hands".
Au nom de tous les hommes : on s'en branle !
In the name of all men: we don't give a shit!
Merci les gars !
Thanks guys !
Mais le pire, dans cette histoire, le pire c'est qu'elle est même pas dans la pièce !
But the worst thing about this story is that she's not even in the room!
Elle ne t'a pas vu !
She hasn't seen you!
Et avant même que tu touches le torchon, t'entends 'c'est pas celui-'.
And even before you touch the cloth, you hear 'it's not that one'.
C'est quoi ça ?
What is that ?
Un truc tout con. Un truc tout con. La Saint Valentin.
Something really stupid. Something really stupid. Valentine's day.
D'accord, la Saint Valentin, nous les garçons, on abandonne tout pour vous.
All right, Valentine's Day, we boys, we give up everything for you.
Le foot, les copains, la bière.
Football, buddies, beer.
On décide de s'occuper de vous mesdames. On se dit 'c'est votre journée'.
We decide to take care of you ladies. We say 'this is your day'.
Alors on prépare une jolie table, des huiles essentielles, des bougies, du saucisson.
Then we prepare a nice table, essential oils, candles, sausage.
On bloque ce jour- pour vous parce qu'on se dit : c'est normal.
We block that day for you because we say to ourselves: this is normal.
Il suffit que ce jour-, vous avez une copine dépressive - oui mesdames, parce que vous avez toutes une copine dépressive.
But on that day you have a depressive friend - yes ladies, because you all have a depressive friend.
Si vous en avez pas, c'est peut-être vous la copine dépressive dans le lot.
If you do not have one, it might be you, the depressive friend in the lot.
Le genre de copine qui dit, dès qu'elle arrive dans une pièce : 'il fait froid, la mort arrive'.
The kind of friend who says, as soon as she arrives in a room: 'It's cold, death is coming.'
Si tu passes à côté, t'es : 'Ça va chérie ? Oh tiens, Voldemort !'
You pass by, you're like: 'How are you sweetheart? Oh, there, Voldemort! '
Il suffit que cette copine appelle pour dire : 'franchement, non non, ça va pas du tout'.
It is enough that this girl calls to say: 'frankly, no no, I'm not well at all'.
Et notre femme est capable de nous regarder et de nous dire : 'chéri, ma copine elle va pas bien.
And our wife is able to look at us and say, 'Sweetie, my friend is not well.
Est-ce qu'on pourrait mettre la Saint Valentin un peu plus tard s'il te plaît ?
Could we put Valentine's Day a little later please?
je me sens vraiment pas bien d'aller fêter alors qu'elle est comme ça.
Right now I feel really bad to go and celebrate while she is like that.
Est-ce qu'on pourrait mettre la Saint Valentin un peu plus tard ?'
Could we put Valentine's Day a little later? '
Nous, parce qu'on vous aime, et parce qu'on a été lobotomisés, on dit 'ok, ok'.
We, because we love you, and because we've been lobotomized, we say 'ok, ok'.
Essayez maintenant, messieurs, essayez, le jour de la Saint Valentin, de dire à vos chéries : 'euh, écoute chérie, mon pote Kenny il va pas bien.
Try now, gentlemen, try on Valentine's Day to tell your darlings: 'Uh, listen, darling, my friend Kenny, he's not well.
Il va pas bien du tout.
He's not doing well at all.
Non tu vas pas bien.
No you are not well.
Est-ce qu'on pourrait mettre la Saint Valentin un peu plus tard parce que il a besoin de moi, il a besoin qu'on aille se bourrer la gueule'.
Could we put Valentine's Day a little later because there he needs me, he needs us to go and get wasted.
Vous allez avoir ce fameux : 'Mais... mais t'es sérieux ?'
You're going to hear this famous: 'But ... but you're serious?'
Suivi du : 'Pfff...'.
Followed by: 'Pfff ...'.
Parce qu'une femme ne te dira jamais que t'es une merde.
Because a woman will never tell you you're a shit.
Elle te le fera sentir.
She'll make you feel it.
Pfff.
Pfff.
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Intermediate Interm. | 15 Mar 2017 | Source: YouHumour / Youtube, 14 Feb 2017 | Embed  

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ILINI Copyright 2018

Credits: Ilini uses dictionary data from Wiktionary via Wikdict and DBnary licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License. The following icons from www.flaticon.com are licensed by CC 3.0 BY: King, Headphones, Geography, Text Entry Box, Winner, Postbox, Info and Rubik icons by Freepik; "File" and "Contract" Icons by Vectors Market; List and Idea icons by Madebyoliver; Cardiogram icon by Pixel perfect; Theater and Gift icons by Pixel Buddha. Hat icon by Dimitry Miroliubov. Award by Vectors Market.
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